Friday, November 12, 2010

Gravity of Litigation Outweighed by Weight of the World

Geneva,Switz. Earth GMT 1500hrs

The Academy of Astrophysics announced that Pluto has regained its former Planetary Status today as it has managed to meet or exceed all set criteria imposed on it by a council of probationary planetologist. In the early 20th century the Astronomers of Ancient earth observing the cold, un-nurturing, slothful nature of the then planet Pluto, revoked its status and consequently legal representation as an autonomous orbital body. At first this had no noticeable effect other that the economic boost on earth’s text book publishing industry to reissue outdated material to billions of educational institutions. For nearly 200 years of apathy in Astronomy circles the former planet was neglected scientifically. In 2130 Disney/Saab sued the now unclassified solar vagrant for the unlicensed use of the name “Pluto” sending the already bankrupt mass into further litigation. With nothing more than a steady Orbital obligation Disney claimed the deed to its solar revolution as collateral against back payments. “If the truth were known Disney/Saab never really wanted the trillions owed it by our client, but plans later surfaced about a Low Gravitational Production of Wall-E on Ice. ” The unclassified gravitational mass formally known as Pluto’s representatives remarked.

In 2240 the military used the former planet as a weapons testing area for ground breaking research in long range fusion weaponry and torpedo development. It was later sold as government surplus at .08 cents an acre. Because of its diminished status, for about 80 years Pluto severed as a dumping ground for Medical, radioactive and toxic waste building up layer after layer of sedimentary mass. While such unregulated waste management was made illegal in 2044 on Earth, Moon fills still remain unrestricted. “To our surprise, a survey cruiser last year reported that the former planet’s gravitation strength has increased by.1 percent due to continual dumping well qualifying it for planetary status. The monumental paradox the Star system now faces is Legally we are bound to environmentally clean up a planet that once returned to its former state we have no legal obligation to maintain” commented senator Grundwald.

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